What if the thing holding your relationship back isn’t lack of love - but the rules you never questioned? Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by Tristan Taormino isn’t about swinging or orgies. It’s not about rebellion or shock value. It’s about people who chose to build love that’s bigger than one person, and learned how to make it work - without breaking each other. This book doesn’t sell fantasy. It gives you tools.
There’s a strange moment in modern life where you can get a happy massage dubai on a whim, but still feel guilty for wanting to explore love beyond monogamy. We’ve normalized convenience in some areas of life, yet still treat emotional freedom like a secret. Taormino flips that. She shows how open relationships, when built with care, can deepen trust, not erode it. The book opens with stories - real people, real struggles, real wins. One couple stayed together for 17 years after switching to an open structure. Another found their sex life revived not by new partners, but by the honesty it forced them to practice.
It’s Not About Sex - It’s About Communication
The biggest myth about open relationships is that they’re all about sex. They’re not. At least, not the healthy ones. Taormino spends the first third of the book drilling into communication. Not ‘talk more’ - that’s useless advice. She gives you scripts. Real phrases to use when you’re scared, jealous, or unsure. Like: ‘I’m feeling insecure about last night, and I need to talk about it before I spiral.’ Or: ‘I’m happy you’re happy, but I need to check in with myself before we move forward.’
These aren’t pickup lines. They’re emotional safety nets. And they work because they’re not about controlling your partner. They’re about owning your feelings. The book includes a chapter called ‘The Jealousy Toolkit’ - not to eliminate jealousy, but to understand it. Jealousy isn’t a sign you’re failing. It’s data. It tells you what you value, what you fear, and where you need more support.
Rules Aren’t Traps - They’re Maps
People think open relationships have no rules. That’s false. The ones that last have more rules than monogamous ones. But they’re flexible. Taormino walks you through how to build agreements that evolve. One couple agreed that no overnight stays with outside partners were allowed - until one partner got a new job across the country. They revised it. Another couple banned emotional connections with outside people - until one of them fell in love. Instead of breaking up, they added a new rule: ‘If you fall in love, we talk before acting.’
These aren’t rigid contracts. They’re living documents. The book gives you a template to write your own, with prompts like: ‘What does safety look like for you?’ and ‘What’s a hard boundary you’ve never voiced?’ It’s not about locking people in. It’s about making sure everyone knows where the edges are.
Emotional Labor Isn’t Optional
Most people don’t realize how much emotional work open relationships require. You’re not just managing your own feelings - you’re managing your partner’s, and sometimes multiple partners’. Taormino calls this ‘the invisible labor.’ It’s the texts you send checking in. The time you spend processing jealousy. The courage it takes to say, ‘I’m not okay with this,’ even when your partner is excited.
She shares a story about a woman who realized she was always the one initiating check-ins. Her partner would say, ‘I’m fine,’ but never asked how she was doing. The book doesn’t blame the partner. It shows how to ask for balance without guilt. ‘I need you to check in with me, not just the other way around.’ Simple. Powerful. Rarely said out loud.
When It Doesn’t Work - And Why
Not every open relationship succeeds. And Taormino doesn’t pretend they do. She dedicates a full chapter to the failures - not to scare you, but to warn you. The most common reason? One partner wanted freedom. The other wanted excitement. Big difference. Freedom means space. Excitement means novelty. One is sustainable. The other burns out fast.
Another big killer: using open relationships to avoid intimacy. Some people jump into non-monogamy because they’re scared of vulnerability. They think more partners = less pressure. But pressure doesn’t disappear. It just moves. Taormino calls this ‘relationship avoidance dressed up as liberation.’
She also warns against power imbalances. One partner is polyamorous by nature. The other is doing it to please them. That’s not open. That’s coercion. The book gives you red flags: if you feel guilty for wanting monogamy, if you’re afraid to say no, if your partner dismisses your fears as ‘insecure’ - walk away.
It’s Not for Everyone - And That’s Okay
There’s a quiet pressure these days to be ‘open-minded.’ But being open-minded doesn’t mean you have to try everything. Taormino makes it clear: monogamy is not broken. Neither is polyamory. What’s broken is the idea that there’s only one right way to love.
She ends the book with a question: ‘What kind of love do you want to build - not what you think you should want, but what actually makes you feel alive?’ That’s the real test. Not whether you’re sleeping with others. But whether you’re sleeping better - more peacefully, more honestly, more fully.
One reader wrote to her after finishing the book: ‘I thought I wanted an open relationship. Now I know I just wanted to be heard.’ That’s the quiet power of this guide. It doesn’t push you toward anything. It just holds up a mirror.
And sometimes, that’s all you need.
There’s a moment in the book where Taormino mentions a man who started exploring non-monogamy after a bad breakup. He thought he needed to prove he was desirable. He ended up finding something deeper - a way to love without fear. He still has his partner. They’re not open anymore. But now, they’re free. And that’s the real goal.
Opening Up doesn’t promise you’ll find more sex. It promises you’ll find more truth. And that’s worth more than any happy massage dubai or massage girls dubai or massage dubai happy ending.